There were days when I should have put a "Caution" sign outside my front door in case someone should be brave enough to ring my doorbell. Chaos and confusion were frequent flyers at our home when the boys were young. I was still trying to solve the mysteries of their unusual behaviors.
After decades of observation and research, I concluded that Sean's negative behavior was quite predictable. I decided to create a document that would describe this observable predictability. This document opened the door to years of peace for all of us. When Sean would display anxiety, as noted on his behavior document, I would immediately start his intervention. In time I would realize that Sean was in as much misery as everyone else around him when he was in a rage. Anything I could do to help alleviate the misery was a blessing.
Listed below you will see the "violent" behaviors listed in red. The "aggressive" behaviors are listed in orange. "Anxious" behaviors are listed in yellow, and the "normal" behaviors are listed in green. I purposely ordered the colors to indicate an "escalation" in behaviors. The behaviors listed below are not necessarily observed in Sean, but are a composite of what I've learned from studying special-needs children over the years. I encourage you to personalize your own "behavior hierarchy" document to be used with caretakers and school personnel.
Property destruction, hitting, kicking, biting, spitting, screaming, self-destructive.
Yelling, throwing items at you or trying to cause destruction, slamming doors, cussing, pretending to hit you.
Pacing, calling you bad names, giving the finger, talking too much or too fast, unable to focus or listen to you, crying, withdrawing.
Normal pace of conversation, cheerful, humorous, able to focus, content.
See my February 17, 2019 blog on "The Road to Peace, Calming Techniques" for ideas on how to calm yourself and your child. Presenting a list of interventions that calm down for the school staff is enormously helpful. I have also used this list in Sean's IEP's at school for the staff to use the minute they see Sean in the 'Yellow Zone." You can train the people who help or teach your child to: 1) be observant of behavior, and then 2) know how to help your child calm down. Yes and amen!